Tag Archives: gratitude

“before you were born”

before you were born

i am not known for mincing my words
you have seen my brutal honesty many a time
whenever it was about the facts of my life
even with confessions difficult to bear
i made sure i spoke each of them to you
in all the details i needed you to hear

so, you already know . . .
as the odd one out
among my marriage-craving friends
of my carefree youth
i had never desired to be a wife
i expected more from life

you also knew,
i had never yearned to be a mother
not because i had no love for children
quite the contrary has been true!
i simply used to think
motherhood was not meant for me

but then, you happened, BirTanem!

(i lived and continue in highest gratitude to live
that incomparable, breathtaking love of and for you
thanks to you, i am living it also
in and with my two little big loves,

oh yes, i do!

four years into my marriage
you, BirTanem, a rarest gem
poured meaning to my being
the Sun woke up and began to shine
water started to run and tasted divine
overjoyed, the air rained on me in a trance
awakened was anew my womanly shrine

to this date
i am great-filled for the fate
that brought me your father
i will be thankful to my destiny
beyond eternity

my Sun,
my water,
my breath,
are one of a kind!

© hülya n. yılmaz, 10.24.2019

From: Canlarım, My Lifeblood – My newest book of poetry in Turkish and English (a private edition, December 2019)




Filed under Poetry, Reflections

. . .


[Photo Credit: Self; Location: The terrace of a dearest family of friends in Amman, Jordan ~ July, 2018]

no need to be blood
true blood in soul through and through

(c) hülya n. yılmaz, 10.13.2018





Filed under Reflections

. . . long overdue . . .

With a smiling heart, I greet you right by the entry door to my home, see you in, guide you to my only comfortable eating corner where several distinctly Turkish baked goods await us. Once you are seated, I steep tea or make coffee – through the ritualistic steps they are prepared in Turkey, and just must accompany any pleasure-food served to welcome guests into the hearth of lengthy delightful conversations . . .

You, dear readers and dear followers, are my special guests to this virtual get-together today, as I attempt to express my long overdue thanks to you for your loyal interest in my writings. The fact that you let me know of your presence here by opting for a “Like” or by leaving a comment is a gift from you that I don’t take for granted. And, this time around, I would like to draw in the help of a maxim by William Arthur Ward in order to better articulate my appreciation of you for your visits to my blog site:


May the rest of your Sunday and your new week bring you only the pleasant kinds of life experiences. ~


Filed under Reflections

…before and after a trying summer…

Aylar sonra Toruncanım kucağımda.Gizem sayesinde.10.2.2014 copy

[Photo: Courtesy of my daughter who gently placed my little big love on my lap without hurting me at all. After months of me having to avoid him, I was overjoyed to feel him this closely. But…if he weren’t asleep, I would not have had any chance to hold him on my lap like this,as he is quite an active little one…my thanks to his sleep fairies and to my daughter for thinking of this loving trick!]


As you all know, the late spring and the entire summer spanning to early fall  this year had presented a multitude of ailments to me. Gratitude for my renewed chances for life fills me now. I had written the poem below for my grandson. For a long while, I assumed I wasn’t going to be able to see him ever again. Today, out of joy – and on account of the contrary (!), I am sharing those verses with you. Please be forewarned:  though my little big love most of the time prefers to smile or laugh, he has learned to be quite generous with his tears since…


in his tiny seat with his precious frowning face

about to shed his newly-learned dropful of tears

but as soon as with his bottle she rushly nears

he pauses and awaits in awed anticipation her nestling embrace


where is the engine that runs those kissable fast filled-in arms and legs

what revs up the speed at which they move up down and sideways

those adorably small hands and feet on an invisible wing

one would think he is lifted up onto a sky-reaching swing


sadness in his sky-blue eyes begins as fast to disappear

his whole-body smile then glows in brightness to delight

joins the cutest giggle with a coo – to him ever so dear

mother and son thus embark as one on their blissful flight


© hülya n yılmaz – May 11, 2014


Filed under Poetry

My gratitude to you all!

The gift of time is nothing I ever take for granted. You all have my heartfelt gratitude for your visits, clicks on “Like” and comments. Those connections are precious to me and for your generous acts, I extend to you the age-old words anew:



Filed under Reflections

My heartfelt thanks to you

Dear, very dear readers, visitors, followers, curious stoppers-by: You have a permanent place in my debut book (however a very modest one in terms of page coverage but not at all as far as my own words’ meanings for me):

“I am humbled and honored to have a growing number of kind, caring and supportive but also forgiving author readers today. I am ever so thankful for their presence and support” – Acknowledgements, Trance (amazon)

TRANCE Cover Full Final it 1

To me, these words are only a tiny segment of my actual appreciation of and gratitude for you all.  For, YOU have made this outcome possible for me.  If I hadn’t had your sincere, caring, supportive listening to my written words, I would have withdrawn from this arena long ago (yes, despite the well-known, often-cited claim that one must write for him-/herself…Not I!  Remember, one of my latest posts about my desire to communicate with you all…)

Well, today I have the special price offer for my Trance to share with you for the period between tomorrow, January 15th and February 1st but also a first-time insight into it (re-posted from my facebook platform):

Dear friends: Forgive me for sounding one-track-minded…that is, regarding my  Trance, a collection of poems in English, German and Turkish – but this information is new and I thought to tell you all first. If you were to feel intrigued by the following words of William S. Peters, Sr. and Janet Caldwell – my out-of-this-world publishers at Inner Child Press, ltd. please know about the special $16.00 offer between tomorrow, January 15, 2014 and February 1st, 2014…

From dearest Bill (all love to you):

“[…] hülya’s poetry exemplifies her courage to be honest and authentic as she shares her personal rectitude with the reader. In getting to know her, one realizes, that in her personal journey, she has collected many life metaphors, memories and lessons. She effortlessly shares these gems within her verse, thereby lending to each of us her reflections and contemplative examinations. Her subject matter though mostly about Human Interaction, can not easily be dismissed. You will not help but recognize a piece of your self sitting between the lines, wallowing betwixt the quiet expressive adjectives, the stirring adverbs and prepositional phrasing. In spite of her formal education, she writes from her heart, though her need and desire to instruct is ever present. I could say much more about this particular entity whom i affectionately call my friend, Dr. hülya, but, i will leave that for you to discover for your self as you take the voyage through the pages of Trance. In the following pages, you will touch hülya’s humanity, and i pray you touch your own.
William S. Peters, Sr. Inner Child Press

From dearest Janet (all love to you):

“[…] Within the pages of Trance, you the reader, will see exactly what I mean. hülya, has a way of weaving her poetry into the form of story telling, satiated . . . while leaving you wanting more. Conundrum ? Thank Goodness, I am able to turn the page and read more from this gifted writer. hülya has graciously gifted us with the English, German and her native tongue Turkish, in the translations found within this book, Trance.
Trance is a steal at $ 22.95 and I encourage you to buy one for yourself and to gift another. Happy Reading !
Janet P. Caldwell
Author COO, Inner Child, ltd. http://www.janetcaldwell.com/


Filed under Reflections

A belated new year wish to a special friend


Christmas has passed.  Yes, I am aware.  I still must tell you how it passed for me.  I have told you all before: I don’t celebrate Christmas – or, any other religious holiday, for that matter.  I do take, however, special pleasure in my friends’ celebrations of any holiday, including those of religious nature.  Enough on my disclaimer (repeated, at that).  This post is about a friend who is an extra special person in my life, who – this Christmas – made my entire year.  What was different this year? Nothing.  It was again with her most generous spirit that she showered me with her thoughtful, carefully selected elegant and heart-warming cards (yes, in the plural – she never misses any special day for me) but also luscious gifts, gift-wrapped to transform me to a fairy-tale setting.  And, it all happened, when I came home for a very little time during my semester break, which I was spending at my daughter’s place -24/7, because I was helping out the new parents as soon as my one and only had given birth.  It was an icy night, all of my lights were out, a huge white bag was sitting at the entry door (just like she had told me before leaving to her trip).  My living room felt as cold as the outside.  Everything was how I left it with my daughter – on her way to the hospital due to complications that developed in the last leg of her pregnancy.  So, a touchable feeling of emptiness, as you can imagine, came over me.  Then, I opened her gift bag (before hitting my closet to pick up some fresh clothes to take back so that I won’t reek for my cute little roommate, a.k.a. my newly born grandson…): if there is magic, magic happened to me!  I am not talking about material goods here.  How my sweet friend wrapped every one of her gifts were so colorful and warming, I sat there for a while, read all her loving and caring words and wishes and hopes, placed them on my coffee table (nothing in my home looked like this was a special time of the year – I make a big deal of my new year’s decorations, by the way…) – so bland, so boring, so routine, so colorless.  Her touch made it all sparkle.  Only this Friday, I had the heart of putting them away and only because my house had to undergo a major cleaning process…after being neglected for very long).  Thank you, my dear thoughtful friend!  You know who you are, so I am not going to disrespect your privacy, nor will I disregard your impeccable sense of modesty by saying your name.  But please know through my public words how much I appreciate your friendship, in what depth my gratitude is for you.  You are remarkable. Thank you for sharing yourself with me more than I believe to deserve.  Thank you for your gift of love.  Happy 2014 to you in every aspect of your life!


Filed under Reflections