“before you were born”

before you were born

i am not known for mincing my words
you have seen my brutal honesty many a time
whenever it was about the facts of my life
even with confessions difficult to bear
i made sure i spoke each of them to you
in all the details i needed you to hear

so, you already know . . .
as the odd one out
among my marriage-craving friends
of my carefree youth
i had never desired to be a wife
i expected more from life

you also knew,
i had never yearned to be a mother
not because i had no love for children
quite the contrary has been true!
i simply used to think
motherhood was not meant for me

but then, you happened, BirTanem!

(i lived and continue in highest gratitude to live
that incomparable, breathtaking love of and for you
thanks to you, i am living it also
in and with my two little big loves,
Toruncanlarım)

oh yes, i do!

four years into my marriage
you, BirTanem, a rarest gem
poured meaning to my being
the Sun woke up and began to shine
water started to run and tasted divine
overjoyed, the air rained on me in a trance
awakened was anew my womanly shrine

to this date
i am great-filled for the fate
that brought me your father
i will be thankful to my destiny
beyond eternity

for
you,
my Sun,
my water,
my breath,
are one of a kind!

© hülya n. yılmaz, 10.24.2019

From: Canlarım, My Lifeblood – My newest book of poetry in Turkish and English (a private edition, December 2019)