Tag Archives: self-awareness

“. . . a grim reality . . .”

when the gravity of a grim reality
hits you, you don a mask
of an awkward laughter
at times, internal tears
become a trusted companion

the warning signs were there all along,
screaming from the top of their lungs,
only to be silenced under the pretense of
“Everything will be alright.”

what a gathering of meaningless words,
of make-believes with no end!

giving up your hard-attained abode
is nothing to smile about


you do
yes, you do
bitterly so

and life

goes on
and on and on
with all its heaviness,
it passes you by

only a small breathing room is allowed,
one that is now on lease

so, you sit in one remote corner,
now on loan with a high interest rate,
you stay in its old, familiar comfort
for a moment or two,
hoping against hope
not to be noticed
for being seen in your nakedness
humiliates you even more

sure, life will go on
it always does

but it leaves you
under the gravity
of a grim reality

to deal with the debris!

hülya n. yılmaz ~ February 4, 2022 

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Filed under Poetry, Reflections

“Taking Loved Ones for Granted”

taking loved ones for granted . . .

my beloved said these words this morning
as a response to my unease with my self
about matters pressing hard on my psyche

he was not judging,
only listening through his heart
reason joined in on our soulful exchange

my dis-ease of the self in many of its aspects
had to come out and speak up,
for the dissatisfaction i have been having
with my wholesome embrace of my loved ones
had become severe, so severe that i knew
deep inside something had to change

a serious improvement was long overdue

my love is immense, it has been always,
but not so my actual actions

so, as i am examining my spirit at its core
i am jotting down these random lines
to have my contemplations, reflections,
emotions, thoughts, potentials,
capabilities, abilities and potential for a
higher consciousness chime in anew,
and i realize how much more there is
that i am ready and willing to do,
to say, to feel, to show, to reassure
and to confirm where my love is due

a self-examination of one’s own awareness
about life’s truly-mattering matters
is what i now find myself do

and this realization
arrived at my doorstep
not a moment too soon

(c) hülya n. yılmaz, February 15, 2019


Filed under Poetry, Reflections

. . .


[Photo Credit: Self; Location: Skopje, Macedonia ~ Summer, 2018]

feelings of much guilt
too many suffer horrors
yet nature numbs me

© hülya n. yılmaz, 10.13.2018





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. . .

On the journey to myself I’ve been so many people.Indigo Williams

Indigo Williams.Spoken Word artist

I still am becoming “so many people” through my examinations and realizations of self, which reflects in its spiritual materialization time and again . . . Any thoughts?


Filed under Impulses

“no longer the same one”

please do not tell me anymore
how to cross my sitting legs in a skirt
to hide well under my pants the private fabric 
in what age-order to serve guests our coffee
what to do with the crumbs on the dining table
(no hand swipes on to my palms!)
not to laugh heartily in public
to wait for my turn in speaking up anywhere
. . .

my instincts had no trouble
accommodating the required obvious
catering to the needs and wants
other than my own
while i knew deep inside
that you all 
meant well
carrying me through life with your love

i am of old age now
and i have had enough

still conflicting no harm to anyone
holding not even an ounce of ill will
in any of my body’s cells
or inside the pure chambers of my heart
i am forevermore
as gentle as ever before
toward those 
who had no business in mine
or continue to think they have the right

i have had my bountiful share
of personal sacrifices

for self-prolonging decades
and then some more beyond
. . .

i am of old age now

and i have had enough

please do not judge me anymore
for actions that i have not undertaken
nor for the spirit-lifting deeds 
i was (and will always be)
happy to carry out

without inhibitions
with no hesitancy
and in love
love for one
love for all

a few chunks of real life
are awaiting me
as these days i find
in sweetest delight

i will not cease
to care about you
nor to eternally treasure you
in fact i would do so with my utmost might

whenever i am invited that is . . .

will you just please
try not to turn

my humbled joy and happiness
into a nonsense plight

© hülya n. yılmaz, 12.6.2017



Filed under Poetry, Reflections

. . . (=Impulses) + Weekend Reflections

birth: female
date: irrelevant
place: somewhere

daily duties

growth chart: within the norm
head circumference: average height male-equal
self-growth: out for starvation

necessary losses!

hey you
eat up yourself
fill identity’s void

necessary losses!

cheat on your self

necessary losses!

you’d better conform
to your relations and your nations
it’s all about

necessary losses!

maturity rate: off the charts
biological aging: per nature’s request
self-confidence: enough to value risks

becoming the woman-self: priceless!

© hülya n. yılmaz, 6.1.2017


Filed under Impulses, Poetry, Reflections

. . .

annual death of
3.1 million children overlooked
overeating self

© hülya n. yılmaz, 4.2.2017

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“you are my weakness”

i mean no offense

the only one
allowed to destroy my vip for life
carving out salivating annihilating
all that i believed my core stood for

i mean no offense

the only one
allowed to mislead the virgin in me
i had since birth been treasuring
inside this rapidly aged and aging body

i mean no offense

the only one
allowed to trash my inborn naiveté
cherished not merely a summer or a winter
but for four seasons arriving each year one by one

i mean no offense

the only one
allowed to put me on hold
time and time again
on and on…and on

with hope-robbed mercilessly grueling
heart-to-mind mind-to-heart lectures
having me wait on call in infinite shifts
none of those cruel hours reaching an end

then to make known
i’m sorry  you are not worth
to alter life for
what on earth for

i mean no offense

the only one
to come to my defense
erecting back the pieces
from their deepest depth


. . .

no not you my unforgettable first love
no not you my youth’s handsomest nth suitor
no not you my unfortunate partner in marriage
no not you my last gentlest purest love

i mean no offense

. . .

you on the other hand
yes you the one and only self
are my weakness at its worst
and my strength at its best

you are finally caressed
in the same tenderest way
i tirelessly tended to my lovers
having given you frivolously away

you are loved the same at last

©hülya n. yılmaz, 2.1.2017


Filed under Poetry, Reflections

. . .

the disability of my persona
is rooted
in the emotional makeup of my anima

© hülya n. yılmaz (1.20.2017)


Filed under Impulses

. . .



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Filed under Impulses