[Photo Credit: Self; Location: Skopje, Macedonia ~ Summer, 2018]
feelings of much guilt
too many suffer horrors
yet nature numbs me
© hülya n. yılmaz, 10.13.2018
Tag Archives: self-awareness
. . .
“On the journey to myself I’ve been so many people.” ~ Indigo Williams
I still am becoming “so many people” through my examinations and realizations of self, which reflects in its spiritual materialization time and again . . . Any thoughts?
Filed under Impulses
“no longer the same one”
please do not tell me anymore
how to cross my sitting legs in a skirt
to hide well under my pants the private fabric
in what age-order to serve guests our coffee
what to do with the crumbs on the dining table
(no hand swipes on to my palms!)
not to laugh heartily in public
to wait for my turn in speaking up anywhere
. . .
my instincts had no trouble
accommodating the required obvious
catering to the needs and wants
other than my own
while i knew deep inside
that you all meant well
carrying me through life with your love
i am of old age now
and i have had enough
still conflicting no harm to anyone
holding not even an ounce of ill will
in any of my body’s cells
or inside the pure chambers of my heart
i am forevermore
as gentle as ever before
toward those
who had no business in mine
or continue to think they have the right
i have had my bountiful share
of personal sacrifices
for self-prolonging decades
and then some more beyond
. . .
i am of old age now
and i have had enough
please do not judge me anymore
for actions that i have not undertaken
nor for the spirit-lifting deeds
i was (and will always be)
happy to carry out
without inhibitions
with no hesitancy
through
with
and in love
love for one
love for all
a few chunks of real life
are awaiting me
as these days i find
in sweetest delight
i will not cease
to care about you
nor to eternally treasure you
in fact i would do so with my utmost might
whenever i am invited that is . . .
will you just please
try not to turn
my humbled joy and happiness
into a nonsense plight
© hülya n. yılmaz, 12.6.2017
Filed under Poetry, Reflections
. . . (=Impulses) + Weekend Reflections
birth: female
date: irrelevant
place: somewhere
euphorias
aspirations
blossomings
imaginations
commitments
daily duties
obligations
yearnings
cravings
loves
growth chart: within the norm
head circumference: average height male-equal
self-growth: out for starvation
necessary losses!
hey you
female
eat
eat up yourself
fill identity’s void
necessary losses!
cheat
cheat on your self
repeat
rewind
repeat
necessary losses!
conform
you’d better conform
to your relations and your nations
it’s all about
subjugations
necessary losses!
maturity rate: off the charts
biological aging: per nature’s request
self-confidence: enough to value risks
becoming the woman-self: priceless!
© hülya n. yılmaz, 6.1.2017
Filed under Impulses, Poetry, Reflections
. . .
annual death of
3.1 million children overlooked
overeating self
© hülya n. yılmaz, 4.2.2017
Filed under Impulses
“you are my weakness”
i mean no offense
the only one
allowed to destroy my vip for life
carving out salivating annihilating
all that i believed my core stood for
i mean no offense
the only one
allowed to mislead the virgin in me
i had since birth been treasuring
inside this rapidly aged and aging body
i mean no offense
the only one
allowed to trash my inborn naiveté
cherished not merely a summer or a winter
but for four seasons arriving each year one by one
i mean no offense
the only one
allowed to put me on hold
time and time again
on and on…and on
with hope-robbed mercilessly grueling
heart-to-mind mind-to-heart lectures
having me wait on call in infinite shifts
none of those cruel hours reaching an end
then to make known
i’m sorry you are not worth
to alter life for
what on earth for
i mean no offense
the only one
to come to my defense
erecting back the pieces
from their deepest depth
was
. . .
no not you my unforgettable first love
no not you my youth’s handsomest nth suitor
no not you my unfortunate partner in marriage
no not you my last gentlest purest love
i mean no offense
. . .
you on the other hand
yes you the one and only self
are my weakness at its worst
and my strength at its best
you are finally caressed
in the same tenderest way
i tirelessly tended to my lovers
having given you frivolously away
you are loved the same at last
©hülya n. yılmaz, 2.1.2017
Filed under Poetry, Reflections
