Category Archives: Poetry

BirTanem’e

when you hurt your loved one all the same

what difference does it make

if the intention was conceived in innocence

~ For my daughter, with my apologies of abundance (September 27, 2015)

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on and on…

open_sea_by_najustock

[Click for image credit]

on the open sea

on a self-made galley of rotting planks

one hole races after another

only quick-sand at my disposal…

as for the welded-in rod…

it’s desperate

to make a companion of me

on its rusty hook i dangle…

on and on

~ September 20, 2015

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…a symbol of extensive affinity…

when a ring is not a quest for the “I do”

but rather a childlike passionate plea

to be enabled a sense of belonging

fi-na-lly

since when are predictability responsibility reliability

in the mutual extension of hardcore tenderness 

no longer the base elements of ultimate intimacy

~ September 30, 2015

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…too old to have left it ajar…

a violent wind has blown in through the careless door

willingly it trapped itself within my four walls

not at all concerned about wearing itself out with time

nor eager to repair the travel path of its turmoiled home 

when it was done with me

nothing was left beyond the flesh

a mere frame twisted to a selfless self

having prostrated itself on the mat of primal love

~ September 30, 2015

 

michelangelo-buonarroti-study-of-a-mourning-woman-1493-97-pen-and-brown-ink-heightened-with-white-1352415263_b[Image Credit: Michelangelo Buonarroti, “Study of a Mourning Woman“]

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…how not to treat the self…

*E.E.

35 and more pounds later

the hole inside still refuses to cease fire

and it will not at all relent

unless one ceases to insist

in protest the body lets go

its frame already chronically ailed

no longer able to bear well the pain

tumblr_mvo060DVyH1rkmk5no1_500

*E.E: Emotional Eater (an abbreviation self-coined after the A.A. model)

For some, it is the alcohol; for others, food. Overusing it, that is. To numb acute sensations. Or to lessen the inborn high sensitivity of emotions when reacting to life. Bluntly put: being self-destructive. Due to the inability to accept rejection by an other [sic]. Or by one’s self.

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…paper boats…

paper_boat_by_eckhartmc-d2scr1c

[Click for Photo/Image Credit]

Perhaps, you know the feeling: a moment in which a sad memory is triggered yet once again but meets a bitter-sweet attempt at a relief in the heart no matter how faint its plea…without you having realized a change in you toward emotional survival. For you are just too tired of the agony that has been bleeding out of the core of your being, dragging your original self to the open seas, trying in desperation to no longer hope against the apparent outcome…

i had never learned

how to sail a paper boat

in nature’s moving water

when i was little

throughout my adult life then

i suffered despondent beyond despair

clinging to my passions fervent dreams visions

begging the river around me to flow at my tending will

i the desperate fool for love am yet to set sail

to dissolve into the current of the sea

for i have been told about the harmony within each ripple

how it promises to ease what pains me to feel…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

8.23.2015

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…contradictions…

my scream had been so loud

that i didn’t hear the silence

waiting still in angered calm

for the murderous pain to cease

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

7.30.2015

Ada.Tepe.Hikayeli kayalıklar Ada.Tepeden kayalıklar

[Photo Credits: Self; Location: “Ada” in Sinop, Turkey]

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…I am sorry…

[Image Credit:

[Image Credit: “sad and simple”

Long ago, I read an article on “things” some of us find difficult to express when we communicate with others. Three of those simple words work as my post’s title today. At times, even an exceptionally loved one may withhold these few letters what to us mean comfort at moments of despair, like a reassuring whisper to re-pump the drying heart. Perhaps, articulating these love-filled sounds equates to that beloved a forced confession of feelings of guilt, fault, blame or acceptance of an unwanted judgment. If only it weren’t for one fact: when there is love, there is no need for defense. For, there can be no intended offense.

I have no further deliberations on the subject – at least nothing I find worthy enough as far as a personal thought in prose to share with you here. Instead, I have jotted down some reflective lines in the form of a hopeful poem:

the fragile soul had never been undressed this way

nor can it ever again

for it has decided to be a once-only lover

it should have known not to attempt a fatal risk

still it hasn’t regretted being so bare

before the one for whom it had stripped itself

of hopes expectations

guilt blame fault

judgments

the innermost turbulence yet trashed it apart

with as violent a tearing from its core as can be

into a blindness of the temporary kind

the ego blamed guilted the other

dared to hope and to expect 

not even massive masses of tears sufficed

to revive it from its raging death

from the beloved then it borrowed a new breath

stillness of the soul thus was demanded to prevail…

on its torturous path of an onus yet

it now opts in vain to regain courage

toward an ajar if not an open gate

for peace and salvation per the latest request:

not expecting

nor blaming

not faulting

nor guilting

not hoping

nor judging 

just being dead

as needed by all

but the dying soul itself

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

8.3.2015

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…when an ant is stepped on…

sad-woman

[Image Credit: CRUNCHPICS.COM]

my eyes in their fading shine

mistake specks of soil for something they are not

for fear to step on an ant

lest my shoe’s sole falls on one

but not hard enough for a merciful death

how then am i going to let die

a love of divine essence

one gasp for air at a time…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

7.30.2015

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can yanıyor elbette…the hurt is immense, of course…

471_6fc422233a40a75a1f028e11c3cd1140

[Image Credit: Lover of Sadness]

gecelerin koynuna girerken

özlemine yaralarımı seriyorum

can yandıkça yanıyor

gündüzler ateş pahası…

while i slip to the bosom of the nights

i spread my scars upon the urge i have for you

the soul aches and aches

days are ablaze in their rarity… 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Written and translated to English on 6.26.2015

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