Tag Archives: fiction

Pedrito’s 30 Days with ICE.Fictional Memoir

Pedrito’s Diary, Day 7

Tuesday, January 28, 2025

I don’t know how long I was asleep. There were no windows in the hangar. So, I couldn’t tell if it was still nighttime or morning. I sat up, shivering in the cold. I wrapped myself with the blanket. I still felt the cold of the concrete floor. I thought of home. How Mama would read my sister and me a story at bedtime. How she would then tuck us in. Gabriela and I feeling all snug and cuddly. I miss Mama, Papa and my little sister so very much. Where were they now? Were they warm enough? Had they enough food? I started to cry. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to make any peep. I covered my mouth, just like Mama had done to Gabriela before she and Papa were taken out of the van. Leaving us children behind. I remembered the terror in their eyes when they looked at us before going out of the van. Mama’s wailing ringed my ears. My sobs were so strong now, I folded the blanket and pulled it over my head.

I laid down with a piece of the blanket covering my mouth. I kept crying and wishing to see my family when I woke up again.

© hülya n. yılmaz, February 5, 2025

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Pedrito’s 30 Days with ICE.Fictional Memoir

Pedrito’s Diary, Day 6

Monday, January 27, 2025

The megaphone interrupted my thoughts about Gabriela. “Hurry up! Form the lines already!” The 4 brothers and I had formed our line immediately after the first call. More feet shuffling could be heard for a little while. Then, silence.

“Now, walk slowly toward the front of the hangar. Pick up your food and 1 blanket, turn around and move ASAP toward the back gates! Don’t look around! When you are back in your original space, spread the blanket on the floor wherever you see an empty spot. There might be cots coming in a few days later. Tonight, you’ll sleep on the floor.”

Our turn came. The food was 1 banana and 1 slice of bread for each of us. We picked it up, along with a thin blanket, turned around and walked slowly toward the back gates. Exactly like we were instructed.

I was glad that I had not wet my pajamas. They would have been much colder when wet on the concrete floor. I pulled the blanket over me, and tried to fall asleep. Before I did, I thought about the baby who was crying earlier. Did someone give her anything to eat?

© hülya n. yılmaz, February 4, 2025

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Pedrito’s 30 Days with ICE.Fictional Memoir

Pedrito’s Diary, Day 5

Sunday, January 26, 2025

The guard took me outside. Other uniformed men were pacing up and down the back gates. The one who walked with me for a little bit, pointed at a large boulder and said loudly, “Go over there and hurry up! It’s too cold outside for me to wait for you long.” I was in a big hurry anyway. So, I rushed toward the boulder but then stopped. The back gates were lit with huge lights, and 1 of them was positioned to have the boulder in clear sight. All the guards could see what I was about to do. I felt so embarrassed that I thought about holding it in. But maybe a minute later, I had to let go. The smell of old pee turned my stomach. I wondered how any of us children could do number 2 here. In such a wide open spot. At home, we had a bathroom with a door, like all my friends’ homes did. Papa had put a small fan in ours and it was on all the time. I prayed that I would never have to do a number 2 over here.

Once I was brought back inside, a smile went through my face. Alejandro had waited for me to return right there where he was before my first time using an open air toilet. “Did it go okay?” I smiled again, although I was still feeling embarrassed. “Yes. Thank you.” The guard had already gone to his original post. “Let’s go back to our small boy group,” said Alejandro.

The brothers looked happy to see me back. They patted my back, and remarked together: “Good for you! You can now wait for the food with ease.” As soon as the word “food” was mentioned, someone announced through a megaphone: “Form lines ASAP! Stretch your arms in the front so that you can touch the one in front of you. The faster you are in that position, the faster you will get your food.”

Many feet shuffling could be heard throughout the hangar. We also did as we were told. Each of the brothers lined up behind me. They made me feel like I had big brothers. I was in their protection now. I smiled again. I desperately hoped that Gabriela was as lucky. The smile immediately faded away from my face.

© hülya n. yılmaz, February 3, 2025

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Pedrito’s 30 Days with ICE.Fictional Memoir

Pedrito’s Diary, Day 4

Saturday, January 25, 2025

“Don’t cry. Everything will be alright.” I looked up. An older boy was talking to me. “I am Jose. I am 12. How about you?” He asked. With my voice still shaky, I answered, “My name is Pedrito. I am 8.” He added: “My 3 brothers are here. We also have one sister. We all were brought in here yesterday. We don’t know where our sister, Lucette, is. She is 10.” As soon as I heard the word sister, I started to cry again. I was so scared for my little Gabriela. Jose gave me a hug, after calling 3 names, Diego, Alejandro, and Jesu. I was now inside a hug circle of 4 brothers. As if in one voice, they told me: “Stay with us. You’ll be okay.”

My tears slowed down. I thanked them one by one. Diego took off his vest and handed it to me. “You are shivering. Those pajamas look quite thin. Here, wear this. You don’t want to get sick here.” I didn’t argue, as I was so very cold. “Thank you so much!” The next thing I sensed was how badly I needed to pee. Quietly, I asked Jose if there is a bathroom here somewhere. “Hmm, that’s a tough one. We have to find someone in a uniform to get permission. He will then lead you to the gates in the back. You can only pee outside.”

All 5 of us began to look for a man in uniform. My new friends were taller than me. Alejandro, the tallest, spotted a guard. He immediately walked toward him, maneuvering around tons of boys on his way. I couldn’t hold it much longer. So, I rushed behind him. “How many of you?” The guard asked Alejandro. “Just me,” I replied. I quickly thanked Alejandro and followed the guard. I just wanted to be outside ASAP so that I wouldn’t wet my pajamas like Gabriela.

© hülya n. yılmaz, February 2, 2025

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Pedrito’s 30 Days with ICE.Fictional Memoir

Pedrito’s Diary, Day 2

Thursday, January 23, 2025

I don’t know how long we were in the moving van. It got pitch dark fast outside. Gabriela moved closer to Mama. She whispered something into her ear. One of the men growled, “No talking!” Gabriela started crying hard. The same man barked at her: “Shut up! Or I will shut you up!”

A few minutes later, the smell of pee rose up. Gabriela had wet her pajamas. In a soft voice, Mama tried to comfort my sister, “It’s OK, Sweetie.” Another man growled: “If you two don’t shut up, we’ll throw you out!”

I heard Mama crying also, but very quietly. She had covered Gabriela’s mouth.

We were on the road for a long time. Now the new day was up. The van came to an abrupt halt. Mama and Papa were ordered to get out. “Move already! We don’t have all day!” Two men shoved them out of the van. More tall men with heavy jackets were waiting outside by a ditch where both fell. The van started to move again. “Mama! Papa! Don’t leave us! Please! Mama! Papa!” My sister and I kept shouting amid our sobs. The van moved faster and faster. Mama and Papa were no longer in sight. Gabriela was crying inconsolably. I was very scared now too, and cried hard. At the same time, I didn’t want to be thrown out as that one man threatened earlier. What would Gabriela do then?

We both cried as quietly as we could. We were never apart from Mama or Papa. Whatever we had done, we were always together. Mama and Papa had never left us alone at home even for a short time.

I don’t know if hours passed or only 1 hour after we lost the sight of Mama and Papa. The van came to a halt again. All of the men yelled: “Get out fast! And no peep from either one of you!” Gabriela clutched her shaking little hand to my arm, while I held her other hand in mine. As soon as we were shoved outside, two men in some kind of a uniform showed up right before our eyes. They unclutched Gabriela’s hand from my arm and forced me to let go off her other hand. We both started to cry loudly and kept begging them: “Please, let us be together! Please! We have never been apart before! And our Mama and Papa are not with us anymore. Please, don’t take us apart.” Both men spoke at once: “Boys this way! Girls that way! Move!” To that, I dropped on my knees and begged them, “Please don’t take my sister away from me! She is so little. She is only 4!” One of the men pulled me up harshly and shoved me away from my sister.

The last thing I remember from that morning was Gabriela’s screams and her terror-filled eyes.

© hülya n. yılmaz, January 31, 2025

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Pedrito’s 30 Days with ICE.Fictional Memoir

My Dear Readers:

After a prolonged hiatus, I am back on this platform. I would firstly like to extend my most sincere thanks to all my readers of the past who were kindly attentive to my back-then regular posts, poems and prose pieces alike. I have been away for quite a long time because I have been struggling at the core of my being to face the utterly shocking and disturbing events that materialized in the U.S. as well as in the world and continue to do so in our ever-evolving attitudes and perspectives toward our humanity.

I am an empath. Calling me a “hypersensitive” person would not be an exaggeration. (I have read on this matter heavily when experts in the field are concerned.) Once I forced myself to digest the terrifying news and to move from a reaction to an action, a venue opened up for me. Instead of remaining numb all day and all night long, I slowly began to put my thoughts and emotions into writing. I have found that my voice, our voices, to be significant and necessary, if we are to effectuate any semblance of change.

Today’s post is my first entry where I attempt to imagine the horrifying developments surrounding “Pedrito,” a child, whose family has been taken apart upon the order of mass deportations of American immigrants under the new regime.

In my posts for the upcoming 30 days, I will be adopting the format of a diary as composed by my protagonist Pedrito. If you are aware of the disastrous occurrences in the U.S., you will clearly see that my writings originate, in actuality, from actual happenings of monstrous scale.

Thank you once again for having been here to read me in the past, and thank you for being here today.

hülya n. yılmaz

Pedrito’s Diary, Day 1

Wednesday, January 22, 2025

My name is Pedro. I am 8 years old. My parents call me Pedrito. I have a sister, Gabriela. She is 4. Mama was washing me and my sister. She always does so after dinner. We brushed our teeth as we do every night before we go to bed. Mama started reading us both a story. Tonight, it was going to be a tale about grandparents. My grandparents live far away. I know them only from pictures. I kept my notebook on my lap. I hoped Mama to tell us about our grandparents.

A heavy banging on the door startled us. We heard Papa’s footsteps. He must have opened the house door. Papa was supposed to oil the hinges. The door squeaked as usual. Then came the thumps of many feet and yelling. Much yelling.

Papa’s voice was muzzled. We could only hear him say, “We have papers.” A man’s angry shout took over, “You are coming with us!”

The three of us rushed to the hallway. Papa was being held by two tall men in thick jackets. As they dragged Papa out the door, I saw “ICE” on their backs. 4 other tall men were still inside our house. They came for us. They pulled us apart. 2 grabbed Mama. 1 came to get me, the 4th, my sister.

Outside, we were all shoved into a black van. The engine was already on. The driver took off right away. We were in shock. We were so very scared. Gabriela started to cry. She couldn’t stop her sobbing. One of the men yelled at Mama: “Shut her up, or I will!”

© hülya n. yılmaz, 1.30.2025

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Autobiographical Fiction

How Cold Is That Water?

Göttingen, oh Göttingen, how many childhood memories are you holding for me?

I believe this incident had occurred after my brother’s walnut-in-the-nostril experiment in Kindergarten.

            Germany was going through an icy cold winter season that year. My brother’s Kindergarten was on Christmas break. Dad had taken us to the visitors’ center of the building where he was conducting his research. For my brother and me, the  food showcase in the cafeteria downstairs was too enticing to ignore. After spending some time eating, drinking and listening to native speakers chat away, my parents took us for a short walk through the adjacent small park. A man-made pond apparently called my brother’s name. Before any of us could understand what was happening, he jumped in. The top of the pond was frozen, but his snow boots broke some of the ice. He was wet up to his knees. Then, he lost his balance, and went halfway in. When my Dad pulled him out of the water, he looked embarrassed at first but then managed to grin.

Our leisure stroll was over. Off we rushed home.

~ ~ ~

From Once upon a Time in Turkey . . ., my upcoming book of autobiographical short stories

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In good company

As I do when I teach the undergraduate literature course – to help my students see beyond the inaccessibility of classical writers, I called for my imagination also for today.  I let it transfer me to the times of three such well-known literary names: Robert FrostFlannery O’Connor, Ray Bradbury.  The reason beyond the urge to gather a virtual literary circle to connect in one form or another (no ghost-calling séances here) to writers no longer living was not the course in question this time.  I had been working on a poem of loss part of last week.  Prior to that work, I had completed a short story centering it around the crime of honor killing.  Severe sadness had set in after both processes.  In moments like these, I tend to prefer not to bother my daughter or a friend.  I seek comfort in penned emotions of writers from a seemingly spectacular past.  The following words gave me the calm I had been seeking to achieve this time.  Not because they define joyous feelings but rather thanks to their affirmation of the one specific human state that motivates us to write – sadness in face of reality.  There are going to be other phases when I end up feeling the pull of sorrowful moments again.  And again.  Also then, I know, other penned words will come to help me ease them.  To reassure the reality of life is here to stay with its highs and its ills.  Here are the famed authors to state what we, too, experience day in, day out.

 

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[Ray Bradbury (1921-2012)]

“You must stay drunk on writing

so reality cannot destroy you.” 


[Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964)]

Flannery-Oconnor-9426760-1-402

“Writing a novel is a terrible experience during which the hair often falls out and the teeth decay. I’m always irritated by people who imply that writing fiction is an escape from reality. It is a plunge into reality and it’s very shocking to the system.

 

???????????

“A poem begins with a lump in the throat; a homesickness or a lovesickness. It is a reaching-out toward expression; an effort to find fulfillment. A complete poem is one where an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.”

 

[Robert Frost (1874-1963)]

 

 

 

Robert Frost [Quote]

Flannery O’Connor [Quote]

Ray Bradbury [Quote]

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I wonder, if you …

1

  “Oh, dear God.  My girl.  My poor girl.  Who did this to you?  What they did to you!  Oh, God.  No!  No!”

“Mom, help me…”

The ambulance sped through the many rural areas to Şanlıurfa hospital.  Where Huban was born.  The medics raced Huban’s stretcher through the emergency entrance, while a loud speaker summoned doctors to the OP.  Her mother’s bewildering plea was the only sound in the crowded lobby: “Please.  Please.  No window, no mirror.  I beg of you.  Please!”

2

“Hello there, my love!”  Huban stirred with difficulty.  Butrus?

Her eyelids resisting her will to open, a smile grew on her face.

“Hi there, love!”

“Butrus, you are here!  You are here!  But…oh no, wait, don’t look at me.  Please, don’t.  I’m in terrible shape.  And my hair -“

“My love, you’ll grow it again,” he interrupted.

“Remember, whenever the sun shone on it, you’d –“

“say,” Butrus picked up from where Huban left, “your hair is too stunning to confine in braids.  Let the light fall on its waist-long drop and show off its blackish maroon hue!”

“Okay, okay, you fixed my hair.  But…but, see what they put on me?”

“All I see is my elegant Huban on top of a radiator,” Butrus responded.

Huban started to inch one arm under her covers.  Exhausted, she gave up the effort.  Ignoring the increased soreness on her chest, she tried to reach Butrus with her other arm.  That one landed on her throat.  She gave out a faint groan; then let that wondrous past in.

Harran University was brand new, and its library, still under construction.  A radiator below a dormer window had become her reading place between classes.  It stood at the end of a hallway that strayed from a high-traffic passage to lecture halls.  A deep and wide marble slab atop the bars – a code for heating companies back then, diffused the burn for her just about enough.  Rapt in her book, Butrus’ sudden presence had caught her by surprise, especially the ease at which he engaged her in a conversation.

“Poor me, my seat choice never escaped your teasing.”

Butrus grinned and went on: “It was an October morning.  An unusual chill had set in.  Black was your color: a high-neck, long-sleeve sweater, bell-bottom pants, low heel boots, a long-strap handbag, and a large tote.  And then…there was your hair.  Down.  All the way down.”

My hair…

“You looked so good in black,” Butrus spoke in awe.  “The sun-shaped pendant on your necklace was the only different color on you.  Outside the honey-touched sparkles in your eyes, of course.  I had never seen such a shade of intense green before.“

How about you, my darling?  Huge hazel eyes.  Long, thick eyelashes.  Eyelids adorably slanting with each attractive smile. 

“You were wearing clear, stylish glasses,” Huban uttered.

Those light brown waves of hair resting on your neck.

“You knew how to resist the college-male fad of well-below-the-shoulder-look.” 

Your tall, slender, shapely body in a casual outfit.  The faint laugh lines on the corners of your lower eyelids.  And those lips…curling upward with each laugh.  Leaving me with a sensation I hadn’t felt before.

3

Wednesday afternoons, Huban had a secret routine.  Skipping her last class, she left the campus for the language institute.  Butrus had started learning Spanish.  She secured a spot in the farthest corner of the alley across from the multiple-story building.  His classroom was on the second floor, with windows looking over the school’s spacious, circular landing.  He always came out first.  His rushed feet nearing him to her delighted Huban.  One arm tucked in the back, donning his landmark smile; he greeted her with the same ‘hello, my love, hello!’  Then unveiled her favorite flower: a rose.  One black rose.

4

“Can you believe, we have known each other four months already?”  Butrus spoke in full excitement but looked tired.

“Did you have enough sleep last night?”  Huban didn’t hide her concern.  His classes at the university ended at noon.  In the early afternoon, he studied for the next day.  Then came his language hours.  In the last two months, he had acquired two night jobs – one in the university library and one in the town’s largest bookstore.  However well paying they were, Huban worried for his health.

“Have you extended your work hours?”  Huban feared to hear a ‘yes’.

“No, my love, I don’t need to.  I already put aside a decent amount of money for us.  I know, my Spanish classes take a good part of it but that’s to secure our life in Zafra.”

“Zafra?  What’s going on, Butrus?  What IS Zafra?”

Butrus took an envelope from his coat’s inside pocket and pointed: 06300 Zafra – Badajoz, Spain.

“That I’m adopted, you know but there is much more to it, my love.”

“I wish I were adopted – except for my mom,” Huban’s voice reeked sadness.

“I know, love, but things will change very soon.  And remember: your parents didn’t die when you were two.”

With his familiar hand gesture, Butrus then moved her bangs aside and kissed her forehead.  Her tears showing her regret for reminding him of his huge loss in the October 1983 earthquake, Huban held on to his hand for a long time.   The nanny had stayed back with a sick Butrus, while his parents – as custom on religious holidays – had been visiting in-laws in Erzurum…

Butrus broke their melancholy: “Listen, my love, we are both going to be just fine.  I have very exciting news.”

“What is it?”

“You know who gave me home.  ‘What IS Zafra?’ you asked.  Well, my uncle lives there.  As a physician. He brought me up here, though.  In my birthplace.  I’m sure he didn’t want to take me away from my parents’ compassionate neighbors.  They took me as their own child; invited us for many meals; brought over countless dishes.  Besides, he was their endeared Dr. Candemir.  So, I lived well – considering.  He, however – I believe, sacrificed his life.  He left for Zafra only after my admission to Harran University with scholarship.  Room and board included.”

Huban listened with intent.

“After all he has done for me,” Butrus’ voice showed his emotions, “he now offers us the safety of his home.  Imagine, my love!  He writes we can live with him until we tire of him and that he is ready and able to cover all our material needs.”

Sliding his hand in to the same pocket, Butrus brought out another envelope.  Inside: two plane tickets and a sizeable pack of Euro bills.

That Wednesday afternoon in the alley opposite the language school, Huban let Butrus’ pull her close to his warmth.  He caressed her eyes with fire in his.  The darkness of the corner where they stood encouraged them to their first lip-kiss.  It was snowing.  In barely there gentle flakes.  Gentle like Butrus.  Her soon-to-be future husband.

5

His nicotine-filled breath right on her face, Huban’s brother was fierce in his slander of Butrus.  The family had gathered in the kitchen’s ell – their makeshift living room.  He started growling at her:

“You’d better be careful.  Or, you’ll answer to me!”  He growled.

He towered over her miniscule stature by at least two heads.  Tonight, he was even more intimidating.  At eye-level with Huban, his fiery pale blue eyes were piercing her.  Raising his angry voice with each of his insults, he paused only for a brief moment when – stone-faced, their father got up from his chair.  His muscular body of overwhelming height approached Huban.  He stopped at only a breath-length distance from her face.  His blue-grayish eyes scanning her from top to bottom, he spoke in threatening calm – stressing every word in slow motion:

“He is not one of us; he will never be one of us.  Get it, or else!”

His lips coiled in to one, her brother then held her shoulders with a tight grip and shook her with severe force.  At that point, he had straightened his body to its full height.  Stretching his neck upward with self-pride, he first turned toward their father, then threw their mother a quick, spiteful look and shouted:

“Remember how much I insisted you’d not send her?  What did I tell you about mixed schools?”

With his eyes almost all about their white, he turned to Huban again and yelled:

“There are two types of girls – those to marry and those to have fun with.  You know what type YOU have to be.  Don’t you ever forget it!  If dad weren’t the youngest…if it weren’t for his brother, you wouldn’t have even seen any school, let alone be in college.  You’d better watch out and do as I say!  Or I’ll put him in his cage!”

Their mother, unmoved in the chair on the farthest corner of the room, was silent.

6 (Continued elsewhere)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How wonderful, you arrived here!  That means you have read my short story excerpt!!!  (Or at least, scanned through it=YESSS!)

My dear reader, I have been working on a short prose parts of which I have given you above.  The complete story will be my Free Lance Writing final exam (the one for which I had to request a deadline extension a short while back).  I have been my own reader and editor so far and feel like I am circling around the same over and over.  So, I wondered, if you would share with me your frank reaction on the sections here – primarily to tell me the following:

Having seen what you have now, would you be tempted to read more?

Or, are these excerpts flat – right from the start?

If you could, please, comment as you are inclined, I would greatly appreciate your critique.  You have my thanks either way, though!  For just being here!

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