“Bence Artık Sen De Herkes Gibisin”

Whenever I write a poem in my native language, I leave it in its original voice for the majority of the time. If, however, I decide to post it to any of the social media platforms in which I participate, then I translate it to English in order not to alienate any reader who might have taken interest in my writings before. Today’s post is one of the few exceptions I have allowed myself recently. I knew right away while I was putting it on paper that this one just had to remain untouched by any language-bridging effort on my part. It was pouring itself into me in the language through which I had first begun to conceive the world. Turkish. My mother tongue. And no other was going to do.

. . . after a prolonged period of grieving over a loss to life, a wo/man begins to unkill the scarringly degraded self at last. For s/he realizes s/he has taken one misstep at a crossroads many moons ago toward self-annihilation in the face of the choices of the other . . . by placing too high a value on that same other . . . whom s/he now finds no different than any other . . . and wails one last time: No more.

hak ettiğinden çok daha fazla değer vermişim sana
benzeri bir ihtimamı bile benden esirgemen karşısında
canımın bunca zaman bu kadar derinden kanaması ondan

itiraf etmiştim ya bize sonuncu bitişte de
candan can alıcı dersleri 
ben pek bir yavaş öğrenirim diye
hele ki böylesine büyülenmişçesine kendinden vere vere sevince

henüz yeni karar verebildim…

anlamaya

zerre kadar benzemezmiş hayat meğerse
senin zaten onun da galibi olduğun akademiye

kendimden geçercesine inanmamak istedim
kimsenin bilmediği acılar çekti o aptal yüreğim
ama öğrendim işte sonunda
öylesine iyi öğrendim ki
Nazım’ın kaleminden şunu diyebiliyorum:
* “Bence Artık Sen De Herkes Gibisin”

© hülya n. yılmaz, 9.8.2016

* The phrase that begins and ends my post today is the title of a widely known poem by Nazım Hikmet Ran. The world-renowned Turkish exilic writer repeats the same utterance throughout this poetic art work: “You are now just like everybody else in my eyes”. Nazım’s context for the phrase: Romantic love. Mine: The same.

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