not enough

ironing my emotions away
the past with the roughest bumps, that is
where i stumbled upon
many a defect, many a flaw
deep at my core, i now know
i was not enough

i am not enough

you have washed, ironed, sewed, cleaned,
cooked, baked, entertained, and turned on
that “everything will be just fine”-smile
on your gorgeously freckled face
regardless of time’s impatient pace
family and non-family alike
sought from you many an advice
you were never absent to us,
your most precious ones,
but you were also there for strangers
the poor, the homeless, the family-less
came to your forever-open heart
life stole you away too soon
you missed out on most of our lives
you missed out on your grandchildren’s delight
but for whoever neared your grace
you were enough
you were always enough
you were much more than enough

ironing my emotions away
the past with the roughest bumps, that is
where i stumbled upon
many a defect, many a flaw
deep at my core, i now know
i was not enough

i am not enough

you were given many an obstacle on your career path,
so many stepped on your shoulders to a higher status, a higher pay
she, your love, was robbed from you when too young
you stood by us with your love, holding our hands one by one
you lived for the sake of us also on her behalf
you worked hard, utterly hard with no relent
whatever you earned, you saved,
saved and saved again
thanks to you,
we both lived well
you were enough
you were always enough
you were much more than enough

ironing my emotions away
the past with the roughest bumps, that is
where i stumbled upon
many a defect, many a flaw
deep at my core, i now know
i was not enough

i am not enough

you quested for a profession
to help people with surgical needs
all along, smiled at the grueling hours of work
you multiplied your soul to those nearby and afar
even then when life gave you three cancers all at once
while taking from you your one and only daughter tenderly young
you still smiled, continued to don that beautiful smile on your handsome face
you were enough
you were always enough
you were much more than enough

ironing my emotions away
the past with the roughest bumps, that is
where i stumbled upon
many a defect, many a flaw
deep at my core, i now know
i was not enough

i am not enough

(c) hülya n. yılmaz, August 3, 2019

2 Comments

Filed under Poetry, Reflections

2 responses to “not enough

  1. Shareef Abdur-Rasheed

    My dear Hulya this piece( not enough) resonants powerfully. It is a tribute to the blessed strength of mother’s everywhere. The unparalleled resillence in the hardest of times with unwavering devotion to family especially her children is a marvel to behold and you beautifully express tribute to this unique gift from the creator. That is one reason the status of mother’s in Islam as well in other faiths is very high as it should be. Thank you for sharing. Much love and respect your poet brother Shareef.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your visit and comment, my esteemed brother. I was literally doing some ironing – a rare event with me. All these thoughts came into being, and I had to write. One stanza is about my incredible mother, representing all dedicated, devoted mothers of the world. The other two stanzas honor my father and my oldest maternal uncle, each of whom were exceptionally loving, caring and giving souls. I miss each beyond words. But this poem would have to do.

      Like

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