Soul’s Letters

Mommy, I know you cry and cry.
I know you miss me so much.
I miss you, and Daddy too.
And so very much.
Mommy, did I do something to that man?
Did I break a window of his house
With my soccer ball?
You always told me to be careful
And I really, really was.
If Idid, I didn’t mean it, Mommy!
Why did he do those horrible things to me?
I was so happy with you and Daddy!
He was that monster under my bed, Mommy.
I know you told me every time I was
Too scared to go to bed to sleep
“There are no monsters, my Sweetie!”
But that monster was real, Mommy!
And on that day, he came and snatched me
From your beautiful Mommy-hands.
I was never scared like that before.
And what he did hurt so much, Mommy!
Why did he cut my head off?
You so loved kissing me on my forehead,
“Rosy-cheeks”, you always said
About my face.
And you loved my long, thick hair so!
You always caressed each strand so gently,
Afraid that your hairbrush
Could hurt me because of a knot.
It all fell to the ground with my head.
I know how much you are hurting now.
You loved me so.
And I loved you and Daddy so.
I miss you both and want to come home.
I so badly want to come home.
But I can’t anymore.

Mommy, I want to tell you about a stranger.
A woman far, far, very far away
From our home.
She sees me in her nightmares every night.
During the day,
She cradles me, keeps me warm inside her heart.
Her heart is so gentle, so tender.
She feels for you and Daddy so.
Last night, she cried many
Many many tears again.
She was shaking in agony for me.
She hurt so much inside
Because of my death.
She wrote to her Mommy
About my final breath.
She is a Mommy too and a Grandma.
Her grandson is almost as old as I was.
He has a bright and beautiful smile as I did.
I will not see my grandmas anymore.
They too loved me so.
This woman is by my side, Mommy.
Since that day my head was cut off.
Since the moment I stopped breathing.
So, try, please try
Not to be too sad, okay?
I must go now, Mommy.
I must go now, Daddy.
Bye.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mom:

it has been too long of a while
since i talked to you the last time
forgive me for my grave absence
i feel terrible and lost these days,
preoccupied, needing your
insightful, loving presence . . .

i don’t know what to do
with our world anymore

we live in dark times,
struggling to get through
too many people are lusting after hate
too many so-called leaders
have for long made hatred their mate

children die again and again
in the hands of war-mongers
children die again and again
in the hands of their parents
in many a vicious way

my breath is in direst need
for a prolonged delay

a beautiful little boy was killed
in the most brutal way ten days ago
what a beautiful child he was!
long, wavy black hair
Angel-eyes, coal-black
and a sunshiny smile,
one that was meant to shine
until his nature-required last day

i cannot get him out of my mind!

he comes to my sleep every night
my heart is an entirely different story

how lucky my brother and i have been!
we never met a monster in real life
these days, however, they are aplenty
and they come in many a shape and size

i often think of your love and tender touch
only to realize that i still miss you too much
i also miss those years of innocence
and light

our times offer time and again
darkness galore,
filled with too hard-to-handle,
plentiful plight

i don’t know what to do
with our world anymore,

we live in dark times,
struggling to get through

(c) hülya n. yılmaz, 2.21.2019

In honor of Zakariya al-Jaber who was beheaded by a religious fanatic in Saudi Arabia on February 8th, 2019

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